


nightmares

by redgoth



Series: Angus Gets a Normal Childhood & Lup and Barry Get Their Son [3]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Baby Angus, Dissociation, F/M, Family, Family Fluff, Fear of Lose, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Past Abuse, Insecurity, Memories, Nightmares, blup baby ango, that's just the tag i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-17 21:02:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11859603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redgoth/pseuds/redgoth
Summary: After everything, nightmares are still the worst.But at least they have someone to go to for comfort.





	1. Angus

**Author's Note:**

> jsyk this was written before the finale

_ “You little brat.” A tall man with dark eyes stared down at him. “No wonder your parents left you.” He growled. _

_ “I-I’m sorry,” he whimpered back. He was almost half the man’s size, so small in comparison… “I-I didn’t mean to-” _

_ “Can it.” The man hissed, and he shut his mouth. “All you do is make excuses and get into trouble, you never learn.” He scowled. _

_ “I-I-” _

_ “Did I say you could  _ speak?”

_ “I’m sorry-” He whimpered. “I’m- I’m sorry, please-” _

“Enough!” _ He shouted, towering over the small boy. “You little  _ brat, _ you think you’re so smart?” _

_ Something cracked, but he could not tell what it was. The noise was sickening, it made his heart clench up. _

_ “You can’t even carry your own damn weight around here! You’re pathetic!” The sound of paper tearing filled his ears, but this time, he knew what it was. _

_ His journal. _

_ His eyes welled with tears. _

_ “You think you deserve our support and sympathy because you’re an orphan, boo-fucking-hoo.” More torn up work, more flowing tears. “Brat.” _

_ “P-please!” He cried. “Don’t, d-d-don’t do that! I’ve worked s-so hard-!” _

_ The sound of skin hitting skin filled the room. _

_ And he woke up. _

Angus McDonald wakes up crying.

Angus McDonald wakes up in a dimly lit room,  _ his _ room, he realizes vaguely, surrounded by two people. While their faces are blurry, he knows who they are, and all he can do is cry harder.

“Can we touch you?” Lup asks in a rush. He can see her hands are shaking, outstretched, but not yet daring to touch. Angus nods as he covers his face with his hands, and her arms are around him in an instance, pulling him to her chest. The bed shifts, and another pair of arms make their way around him.

He cries.

“It’s okay.” She whispers. “You’re safe, we’re all safe, it’s okay.”

“We’re all here.” Barry murmurs. “You’re here with us, everyone is alright. You’re alright, Angus…”

And he sobs.

He doesn’t know when he calms down. Doesn’t know when he finally pulls his hands away from his face, finally takes in a deep breath without a stuttering gasp or hiccup.

His parents are still holding him. Barry’s gently rubbing his back, Lup’s carefully running a hand through his hair.

His parents.

“Hey, lil’ man.” Lup says as she feels him lean against her, and she nuzzles her nose against his hair. “You alright?”

Angus nods his head, pressing the back of his hand to his cheek to wipe away the wetness. “I’m, I’m okay now…” He whispers. Barry pulls away and Angus stiffens, but he returns not a moment later, pressing his glasses into his hand. Angus hesitates for just a moment before slipping them onto his face. The world is clearer now. Lup and Barry are looking at him with concerned eyes.

They are all silent for a long moment, merely taking in each other, no idea what to say, until Angus clears his throat.

“I… I’m sorry.” He whispers, fidgeting with the covers. Lup squeezes his arm.

“For what, Angus?” She asks, and, well…

“For… for b-bugging you?” He says quietly. Guiltily. “For disturbing y-you guys so late a-at night…”

Lup and Barry exchange a look. Angus stares down at his blankets.

“Angus…” Barry squeezes his shoulder, causing him to glance up. Concern is plastered all over his face. “Do you-... do you think you’re a bother to us?”

More tears fill up in his eyes and he clenches his hands into fists. “I… I mean, maybe…” He whispers, and suddenly Lup’s pulling him into another embrace. Barry’s closer too, holding him between them, sandwiched between his parents. His  _ parents. _

“Oh, sweetheart.” Lup says, rocking them gently back and forth.

“We love you, Angus,” Barry adds, his voice cracking. “You’re not a burden, or a bother, we love you so much.”

More tears flow as Angus hiccups.

“Every day,” Lup pets his head, rocking back and forth, “every day when I was stuck in my own staff, I thought about you, Angus.” She says. “Every day, I thought about you, and getting to hold you in my arms again, and how much I wanted to see you.” He hears a sniffle from Barry, and the two only hold him tighter. “I thought about living in a little house, with you and with Barry, with a little garden, and a nice kitchen, and I thought about making breakfast with Taako for the people I love... for you, Angus.”

“I wish we-... I wish  _ I _ could’ve got to you sooner.” Barry says. Just from his voice, Angus can tell he’s crying. “I tried so hard to find you when I could. I tried so hard to find both of you.” Something else hangs on his tongue, but he doesn’t say it.

The room is quiet, only the sounds of both Angus and Barry sniffling providing noise. Lup’s arms are stretched around Angus and holding onto one of Barry’s hands.

“Angus, do you, hmm…” Lup says, keeping her voice just above a whisper. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Angus hesitates, looking down, not meeting their eyes. “Not right now.” He responds cautiously. Barry gently squeezes his shoulder.

“That’s fine, kiddo.” He says, and Angus gives a halfhearted smile. 

“Do you want to go back to sleep?” Lup asks, a little grin suddenly playing on her own face. Angus knits his brows together.

“I mean…”

“Because how about,” Lup interrupts, “you can come sleep with us in our bed.”

Angus blinks. He rubs his eyes. “R-... really?” He asks.

“Of course, bud!” Lup kisses his forehead. “Totally fine.”

“Just like old times.” Barry muses. Lup smiles. Barry stands from the bed, and Lup follows. Before Angus can even get out of bed, Lup scoops him up into her arms, carrying him like a child.

_ You  _ are  _ a child.  _ He has to remind himself.

“I used to sleep in your bed?” Angus asks, instinctively wrapping his arms around her neck.

“Uh, duh.” Lup scoffs as if he should know this, and hoists him up as the three leave the room. “Who the fuck makes their kid sleep in the corner in a box? Not fuckin’ us, that’s who.”

“Merle and Lucretia bought us a crib, and after the first week we brought you home, Lup took it outside and lit it on fire.” Barry smiles. He leads them into the kitchen and grabs a glass from the cabinet, then fills it with water. He taps Angus on the shoulder and the boy leans away from his mother, and downs the water as soon as the glass is in his hands. Huh. He was thirsty. He hands it back to Barry, who sets it in the sink, and the three head back towards the master bedroom.

“Didn’t Merle see us burning it?” Lup grins.

“Yes he did.” Barry sighs, pushing open the bedroom door. “And what ‘we’? You handed me a tiny baby, told me to watch out, and dragged the crib out the door.”

“Worth it.” Lup mumbles. Angus smiles. She walks over to the king size bed, leans over, and drops Angus onto the mattress. A little bubble of laughter escapes him as he bounces.

“Alright, bub, scoot over.” Lup grins, and he does as told, crawling up towards the center of the bed. Barry’s already sitting, already curling up in the covers. Angus follows hesitantly as Lup crawls under the covers, and then she’s cuddling him once more. He takes his glasses off, only slightly unsure of what to do with them, until Barry carefully takes them from his hands and places them on his bedside table, then repeats the process with his own.

As Angus is cuddled between his parents, his loving, wonderful parents, he sighs, happily, contently.

“Could you, um…” He whispers, “Could you t-tell me more about when I was little?” He asks. He was curious. Who could blame him? It was a question he hadn’t dared ask before, and here were two people who could tell him.

“Hell yeah.” Lup says. “Lemme think.”

“Everyone with an ‘m’ name was mom.” Barry replies immediately. Even through the dark, Angus can see the little smile on his face. “Everyone.”

“Oh my god.” Lup gasps. “I forgot about that, oh my god.”

“Lup was Ma, of course, but so were Magnus, and Merle.” Barry laughed. Angus smiled sheepishly.

“When you were starting to talk, Mags kept trying to get you to call him Mag, at least. But you’d always just call him ‘Ma.’” Lup says. “‘Who do you want, Angus?’ ‘Wa Ma! Ma!’ So they’d hand you to me, and I’d get faced with ‘No!  _ Ma!’ _ ”

“Then when we’d hand you to Magnus you’d get upset because you wanted Merle.” Barry adds. “Wasn’t Taako also Mom?”

Lup laughs at that. “From a distance, you couldn’t tell me and Taako apart,” she says, “so you’d toddle over to Taako and make him pick you up, but then as soon as you were in his arms, you seemed to realize this wasn’t the person you wanted and would start crying.”

“So, I’d willingly go to Merle, but Taako made me cry?” Angus giggles tiredly.

“You liked Merle, you two were buds.” Barry chuckles.

“He taught you how to make fart noises with your hand and I think both of you thought it was the greatest fucking thing.” Lup grins against his hair. Angus laughs. “God, I just remembered how many times you went over to Taako only to get upset that it was  _ Taako.” _

“I mean, it was sort of his fault.” Barry muses.

“How’s that?” Angus asks, looking over to the other. Lup snorts.

“Lup and Taako never really dress similar or wear their hair the same, unless…”

“Unless, we’re around new people.” Lup snickers.

“When we first met for the IPRE, they looked exactly the same. Same hairstyle, same clothes. After they stopped being able to fool everyone, they started looking like… their own people.” Barry says. He takes one of Lup’s hands in his. “A little while before you were born, Taako started dressing up like Lup. He started cutting his hair to match hers, and after you were born, started wearing similar clothes, too.”

“So, we looked real fuckin’ identical again.” Lup sighs dramatically. “For the first time in like, a century.”

Had anyone else said it, it would’ve been an overdramatic remark. But… Angus can believe it. He tries to stifle a yawn.

“So, when you started to crawl and walk, and he was over and you were tired of dealing with other people, you’d go over to him and demand he picked you up,”

“And he did, because no one could say no to your cute lil’ face.” Lup interjects. Angus smiles.

“As soon as you were in his arms, you could tell.” Barry sighs. “You’d start crying, but not actually crying. Just making the noises. Then Lup or I would take over and it’d fix it right away.”

“You didn’t cry much, but when you did, that was usually the cause.” Lup kisses his head. “Someone was holding you that wasn’t Mom or Dad, and you weren’t having it.”

Angus yawns, and snuggles closer against his parents.

“I love you, Angus.” Lup whispers.

“We’re happy you’re here.” Barry adds, just as quietly. “Thrilled, ecstatic… we love you so much, Angus.”

Oh.

Tears prickle in his eyes but he blinks them away. “I-I love you, too.” He whispers. “I’m- I’m really glad we all get to be here now. I’m glad I g-get to be here with you.”

Barry squeezes Lup’s hand. “We’re really proud of you, Angus.”

“F-for what?” Angus asks.

“For overcoming everything.” Lup says, quietly.

“For growing up so strong, even without us…”

“For being the most wonderful, genius little boy since for _ ever.” _

He’s trying hard not to cry.

“Why wouldn’t we be proud of you?” Barry smiles, pulling his hand from Lup’s and brushing a curl of hair out of Angus’s face. “You are everything we ever dreamed about, plus so much more…”

Angus hiccups. His parents smile.

“I think it’s time we hit the hay, huh?” Lup says with a quiet laugh.

“Yeah…” Barry agrees, and Angus nods his head, wiping the tears that had gathered in his eyes despite his efforts.

“Goodnight, Barr.” Lup says, a smile evident in her voice. “Goodnight, Ango.”

“Goodnight, Lup. Goodnight, Angus.” Barry replies, smiling back at them.

Angus takes a deep breath.

“Goodnight, M-Mom… Goodnight, Dad.”


	2. Barry

_ The room was dark. The room was dark, and familiar, upsettingly familiar. It was not warm, it was not nice. _

_ This wasn’t his home. This wasn’t where he went to sleep, wasn’t the house he lived in with his wife and his son. _

_ “No,” he whispered, “no, no,  _ no.”

_ This cave was not his home. This cave was hell. This had to be a dream. This  _ had  _ to be a dream. _

_ His face felt damp. He rummaged through the room, panic flowing through his veins. _

_ “No,” he cried, “no, Lup, please,” he ripped parchment and maps down from the wall, his whole body shaking. “Angus… Please.” He sobbed, his fists hitting the cave wall. _

_ A voice broke him from his thoughts. _

_ “Barry…” _

_ The world was shaking. _

“Barry!”

Barry opens his eyes with a start, throwing himself up into a sitting position as sweat and tears roll down his cheeks.

“Hey, hey,” Lup’s voice is soft, and he can feel her hands on his shoulders, “Barry, look at me.”

And he does. And without hesitation, he throws his arms around her and pulls her close, burying his face against her neck.

“Lup…” He whispers, his fingers digging into the fabric of her shirt.

“You were crying.” Lup says, draping an arm around his back, the other curling in his hair.

“I thought I lost you.” Barry says, choked and hoarse.

“I’m right here, babe.” She murmurs. “Just a dream.”

He pulls away from her neck, and without hesitation she presses a kiss to his nose. He still looks panicked, but it’s less so than a moment ago.

“Where’s Angus?” He asks, staring into her eyes. She moves her hands to cup his face, wiping the tears from his cheeks.

“He’s at school, he’ll be back in two more days.” She says calmly.

School. School, right. He takes a deep breath.

“I thought I lost you two again…” He whispers, shoulders slumping, eyes closing. Lup presses her forehead against his.

“We’re here, Barr. It’s over, it’s just us and a happy ending now.” She smiles. More tears fill Barry’s eyes as he smiles back.

“I love you with all my heart.” He sighs, and she pecks his lips.

“I love you with all I’ve got.” She whispers back.

“I missed you so much.”

“I know.” She murmurs. “Me too.”

They’re quiet. Content to just sit and hold each other, wrapped up in the other’s presence. Every few seconds, they’ll press a kiss to the other’s lips, eliciting a little sigh of contentment.

“You’re really sweaty.” Lup says, giving him another kiss.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, and she smiles.

“You should go take a shower.”

His grip around her tightens, the anxious look returning to his eyes.

“I’ll shower with youuu...” She says in a sing-song voice, and he bites back a smile.

“I think I’d be okay with that.” Barry replies, and Lup grins.

“Let’s get goin’ then, babe,” she says, leaning back from their embrace. “Get you all clean.”

“Weirdo.” He laughs.

“You love me.” Lup shrugs. Barry smiles, so sincerely it almost makes her chest hurt.

“More so with every passing day.” He says.

_ “Barold,”  _ she covers her face with her hands and groans, “you’re going to  _ kill me, _ Barr.”

“You’ll be fine,” He laughs, taking one of her hands and pressing his lips to her knuckles. “Let’s go.”


	3. Lup

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY SHIT thank you all so much for all the lovely reviews!! I'm!! in tears!!! Thank you so much!!
> 
> Here's the last chapter to this part. I have another part to this series coming soon, so I hope y'all will stick around for that!! <3
> 
> Also it's 4AM and I only proofread this a few times, so if there's any mistakes hmu ;;

Most nights, Lup doesn’t dream.

Now, maybe this is because she’s an elf, and doesn’t necessarily _need_ to sleep, or because her brain is still adjusting to being _able_ to sleep, to having a body again, to needing to dedicate a few hours to either putting her head to the pillow or merely closing her eyes and meditating.

But since getting back to her body, she hasn’t done much dreaming. And frankly, she’s fine with that. (She's _openly_ fine with that.) If she’s not dreaming, then she’s not having nightmares. Nothing plagues her slumber, and after watching the people she loves bolt out of bed, tears streaking their faces, she’s fucking fine as shit with this no dreams thing she’s got going on. “Fuck that useless shit.”

That doesn’t stop her from staring, dead eyed, emotionless, at the middle of nowhere for God knows how long.

It’s Angus who catches her today.

She’s in the kitchen, a spatula in her hand. She’s staring at the empty counter top, unblinking.

“Lup?” Angus says from the doorway, eyebrows knitting together in concern. “Ma’am?”

She doesn't move. Concern fills in Angus's gut.

Barry’s words from when he first moved in clipped in the back of his mind.

_“We’re not all… great, Angus, we’ve still got some issues to work out.” They were standing out on the porch, Barry’s hands anxiously messing with a glass of water. “Sometimes, Lup isn’t completely… here. There’s moments when she’s still stuck in the Umbrastaff.” He said. Angus nodded. “We’ve talked about it. If you find her just standing, spacing off, unmoving, unresponsive, come get me. Don’t try to shake her out of it by yourself.”_

_And… Lup_ is _Taako’s brother. If they’re alike in this way, too, Barry’s warning is probably for the best._

Angus hesitates, but he tries her name once more. “Lup?” He asks.

When no response comes, he takes a deep breath and turns from the room. “Barry?” He shouts down the hallway, his feet moving a bit faster. He opens their bedroom door, looking around the room quickly before pulling the door shut. His hands shake. He calls his father’s name again and takes off towards the bathroom. He knocks on the door heavily, and pushes it open. Empty. He checks the backyard, the laundry room, anywhere he can think of.

His hands are shaking. Where is Barry? _Come on, Angus._ He closes his eyes, his hands balling into fists. _Think. Think, did he say he was going somewhere?_ And like that, his eyes snap open. The store! He said they needed to go to the store yesterday, he’s probably at the store! His feet are moving before he’s even finished the thought. Rushing past the kitchen to the front door, he throws it open and immediately darts down the steps to the front yard and out the gate, onto the sidewalk.

And Barry’s right there.

 _Well, not_ right _there._ Angus thinks. He’s down the road a ways, arms filled with paper bags, loaded with groceries.

“Barry!” Angus shouts, not slowing down until he’s only a few feet away, where he then proceeds to bend over, breathing heavily. Barry gives him a confused, concerned look.

“Angus? Are- are you alright?” He asks, worry flooding his voice. Angus has his hands on his knees, taking in a few deep breaths.

“It- it’s Lup,” he says between gasps of air. “she, she’s-” he has no idea what to call it. “She’s, um, sh-she's doing, that, that thing, we talked about...”

Barry stands a little straighter, a look of understanding washing over him. So, Angus guesses that works as an explanation.

“Is she alright?” He asks, already beginning to walk again, in a much quicker pace than before. Angus follows him without hesitation.

“She wasn’t responding to me, just staring at the counter.” He says in a rush. “I tried talking to her, but…”

“Shit.” Barry mumbles, hoisting up the bags of groceries. “Angus, I’m going to go ahead. It might be best to stay out in the front yard for a little bit, okay?”

“Yessir.” Angus replies, nodding his head, and just like that, Barry takes off in a run. Angus watches as the gate swings open and he jumps up the steps and drops the bags down on the porch. Angus slows down a little from the run he was doing to keep up with his father, but continues to walk quickly until he’s in the front yard, closing the gate behind him. The front door is hanging open…

Angus pauses at the bottom of the steps. Barry said to stay outside, but…

He’s _concerned._ And interested. And it’s not like he’ll be _in_ the kitchen. He knows better than that. He's just worried for his mom.

He enters the house carefully, and immediately he can hear Barry’s voice.

“Lup, listen to me.” He says. “Look at me. You’re right here, Lup.”

Her voice is so small, Angus can hardly hear it.

“I’m not in my body.” She whispers.

Angus sneaks quietly along the hall, pausing before the entry to the kitchen. He clenches his hands into fists to keep them from shaking.

“Lup, you’re in your body.” Barry reassures. “You’re in your kitchen, you’re in our home.”

Angus chances a glance around the corner.

Barry’s holding her wrists tightly in his, worry washed over his features. Lup’s eyes are pure panic, she’s trembling where she stands. It makes his chest ache, seeing her, seeing Lup of all people looking this utterly terrified. They'd battled unimaginable forces, side by side, only months ago, and she had never lost the smirk on her lips. But now...

“I’m gone?” She says, squeezing her eyes shut.

“Lup, open your eyes.” Barry says, trying to sound commanding, but the quiver in his voice makes it fall short. “Open your eyes, Lup, you couldn’t close your eyes if you weren’t in your body.”

That seems to help. Her eyes flash open, and her lips parts, looking him over.

“Look at your hands, Lup. They’re yours, wiggle your fingers.”

It takes a moment, but soon the shaking calms, just a little, as she curls her fingers.

“Good,” Barry says, moving his hands to her forearms. Lup’s gaze goes between her hands and her husband’s face. “Can you try moving your wrists for me?”

The process continues. Minutes pass like hours, and soon Angus watches as Lup throws her arms around Barry

“It’s okay.” Barry whispers, returning the hug. “We’re all here, we’re all good. You’re here, I’m here.” He smiles a little as he rubs her back. “Angus is here.”

Lup exhales, her fingers digging into his back.

“You’re in your body. And you have been for a few months, Lup.”

“Okay.” She says. “...Okay.”

“Are you okay?” Barry whispers.

“I’m… good. I’m good.” She murmurs back.

They both pull back for just a moment, gazing into each other’s eyes before leaning in to a kiss.

Angus takes this as his cue to head back outside.

He pauses on the porch for a long moment, taking in the front yard. There’s a garden full of flowers and vegetables, and a large shady tree in the corner, complete with a wooden swing, made by none other than Magnus. The grass is green, fresh with the coming spring.

...He’s just doing this to waste time. He turns back to the door and carefully gathers as many bags as he can in his arms, which, frankly, is only about two, and cautiously heads back into the kitchen.

Lup is sitting at the island counter, Barry’s jacket draped over her shoulders. She’s watching him as he rummages around the cupboards, pulling out the tea kettle. Angus clears his throat as he enters. Lup looks over to him, giving him a little smile.

“There’s my lil’ man.” She grins, tiredly. He smiles back and sets the bags on the counter before walking over to her. She wraps an arm around his shoulders and pulls him in close.

“Are you alright?” He whispers, gently bumping his head against hers.

She huffs a little laugh, nuzzling against his hair. “I’m good, Ango.” She reassures. Angus hesitates, anxiously balling his hands into fists. He turns, and wraps his arms around her. Lup tenses.

“I was worried.” He whispers, squeezing his eyes shut. Slowly, Lup pulls him into a proper hug. She buries her face in his hair.

“I’m alright, bud.” She whispers back, squeezing him tight. “Mama’s all good.”

“I’m glad you’re okay.” He says quietly, and she smiles. Their grips loosen. “I should go get the other bags.”

She presses a kiss to his forehead. He flushes, a shy smile on his face. As he leaves the room, he hears Barry sigh happily.

He returns as soon as he can, setting the grocery bags on the counter beside the rest. Barry’s leans over and rustles his hair. The three glance around the room at one another, content to just be. Soon, Barry returns to making tea. Angus unloads the bags, setting its contents on the table, folding the bags up and setting them in a pile. Lup watches her boys, leaning forward, chin resting in her hand, filled with a sleepy, secure love for them both.

 

They’re not perfect... Angus thinks. They have bad days, bad nights. Anxiety and fear still cast a shadow over them from time to time, covering them in darkness, but the sun is always soon to show. And there’s nowhere else Angus would rather be than here.


End file.
